I'm awesome. Yeah, let's start with that.

Ok, so, i go out to this party at a friend of mines, Mitch. Lins. Oh and by the way, Brett, i saw your little sister there, and she was obnoxious and kinda annoying... and she kicked me... a lot... for singing. Anyways, back to what i was saying. I brought myself some scotch, and i was drinking in, and i got kinda wasted. And by 12:00 i was starting to sober up, and me and some people decide to leave... so, we started walking, cuz none of us had a ride.

Now, Mitch's place is just behind the mall. So think about it... -30 with the windchill or whatever. Blowing snow and well... FRIGGIN COLD. So we started walking, and we're walking in like 1 foot of snow, and it's hard to walk, and i'm so tired. We make it to the number 20 highway... or the number 5... i can't remember, the one in front of the mall. And i split up with all the other people, and start walking on my own. Well, i'm walking, and i'm a little tipsy, and i make it to sev... but not before a police cruiser drives by. they keep on driving, so i think i'm in the clear. But about 5 minutes later, they pull up behind me, roll down the window, and they're like "you got a ways to walk?"

Now... you've been drinking for 4 hours, you're tipsy, and you're freezing your balls off (imagine you have balls for all the ladies out there). What are you thinking? "Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck, they'll be able to smell the scotch, i am so boned. I'll just keep walking." But another part of you is going "Wait a second, wouldn't it be weirder if i declined the ride?"

So, i hope in the car... We make it to my street, and no one notices "YES, i am so in the clear." we turn onto my street, and... the car stops moving, the tires start spinning. And they're like... "well, looks like you're gonna have to work for your ride." and you know that little voice in your head? Well, mine picked up a megaphone and started screaming, "YOU ARE SO BONED. YOU POOR BASTARD. I AM OUTTA HERE." I hop out and think... Oh my god, I'm gonna fall over, and they are gonna know, and i'm gonna be... dead. No middle man, no court. They're gonna cuff me, my mom's gonna get home, and they're gonna hand her a gun and write it up as self-defense. We start pushing, and we get him outta there, and seeing as i'm five houses away from my own house, I just say, well, i can walk from here, and they split, and i split.

I MADE IT. FIRST RIDE IN A RCMP CRUISER, AND I'M DRUNK, AND THEY NEVER KNEW. MWUAHAHAHA, I'M UNTOUCHABLE.